Refiloe Leeuw

I can't sleep, it's 4 o clock in the earliest of the morning. I have noticed that I do all this through God who strengthens me but alone. Last year this time I was in the exact situation just with different headings like #n2rulemustfall this year #Ifearformyfuture.  - Online studies  - Mandarin  - Getting a job  - Wanting to start a new initiative to help orphans.  - Doubting my abilities because of one individual emphasizing "I'm stupid"  - Being trapped in my own sorrows that I forget to live.  - Being controlled by people who know your real potential but decide to use your past against you. Since being put on hold on the 25th of June 2021. I am proud to say I was officially indoors for almost a month 3 weeks and a day. I used to be this bubbly person, but since I have noticed the ability people put in power have. I prefer to be silent next time. Amen. 

Today, is one of those days that I can not decribe. Never thought I'll make it this far but here I am. The smile that makes people assume that I am the happiest person alive, indeed I am happy to be alive it is just the uneasiness it comes with it will make you think twice.  Today got me thinking back how a Pastor in my early childhood once told me that: "I have a beautiful smile".  Back than I could not grasp what he was implying but kept those words close to my heart. Today, a day after my birthday got me to realise how much pain that smile is carrying, pain no humankind can fix. It cuts so deep that, I'll rather exchange my days on earth with the peace maker Mr. Nelson Mandela. This smile keeper, is not a smile keeper after all.  #Bloggingwithme

A journey, one has to remind oneself that time sometimes "heals all pains." Truth be told, it doesn't. If things ain't meant for you it is not meant for you period. "They" tell you to write about it, speak about and it will get better. Guess what I am still here and it ain't better, you just adjust better when it hits. My journey walking in the shadow of an orphan, asking when will this stop, when will one just have a break through in life to start living like the rest of the world. Why should I fear for my future and why is my happiness and dreams in someone else's hands. Sad but it's true, this life will never get better. #walkingamileinmyshoes